Friday, May 8, 2009

Celebrating Her

When I think of Her, small moments come to mind; these are the moments that define relationships. I can see the new outfit on a freshly made bed waiting for me after school, the feel of her embrace after a bad day, her arms outstretched before I even finished entering the door. The look of concern, pride, compassion, love on her face. I can see her stomping out to the backyard to dump green soup and burnt muffins down ground hog holes hollering "Whoever said woman need to cook anyway?! I can smell the mint gum she chewed every Sunday on the way to church, the soft voice she sang in my ear as I drifted off to sleep. The way I watched her put on her lipstick, a million times. The way I watched her do her hair, put on her earrings, paint her nails...always watching her, trying to become her- all the while pretending I wasn't. I remember as a preteen when I refused to walk beside her in the mall. More vividly I remember how badly I wished I could have taken it back when I saw her stifle the hurt and rejection I had caused her.

I am confident in her support and was certain as she was reprimanding me for my smart mouth, poor attitude or failing grade that she had in fact already forgiven me. She had unwavering confidence in my success, so much so there was no other choice. I was listening when she thought I wasn't. I think of her cringing and gasping at suspenseful movies and cursing at snakes. A hint of endearing innocence amongst strength. The same eyes that roll in annoyance at my father flicker again with love in the next moment. She taught me in this way how to love someone deeply in faith fullness so when have you been together longer then you have been apart you forget how to be without the other.

I remember sitting in her bedroom the month I turned ten gagging in horror when she explained about babies. I remember her holding my newborn son the month before I turned 25 and holding in tears. I remember the look of intensity in her eyes each time she told me from the time I was very small that I could do hard things, and I have; only because she told me I could.

Her example of devotion, strength and generosity is unparalleled. Her intelligence and insight enviable and her beauty obvious.

Yesterday she turned 29. Again. I thought of her often, hoping her day was a little more special then usual, hoping her year brings the happiness she is so deserving of. As I celebrate her again this weekend I think how very blessed I am to call this remarkable woman "Mother."


Heather said...

So Jenn, I have always loved words & writing and the art of language, and maybe that's partly why I love your blog so much, but girl, you've got a gift for writing.

I love this entry- it made me feel teary. A lot of your entries have that effect on me. I'm glad you keep writing :)

jjandb said...

Aw shucks Heather:) Thanks for your support! I know you understand through your photgraphy that in this season of life it is sometimes easy to lose bits of yourself to others (namely the ones under 3 feet tall) it is important to keep your creativity and thus "yourself" alive in the things that fullfill you through unique expression.
I love keeping this blog for that reason and I love knowing there are people out there enjoying it:)

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