Monday, October 25, 2010

New Hang Out...

So I figured 630 posts was a good number to retire this blog on...

 I have a new blog now... I hope you check me out!

I am having a hard time leaving...I tried to post this three times. But we can come back know to remember the good times:)

Come take "A glimpse"

Sunday, October 17, 2010

What Would I Change?

I came across this blog today. A day when I needed perspective. A day when I allowed complaint to creep into my thoughts. I was teetering on the terrain of taking it for granted. Until I received this reminder to tread lightly there and back up slowly. I quickly remembered the magnitude of my blessings.

This family has shown a valiant faith I am in awe of after losing their 18 month old daughter  While her parents were on a date she was being babysat by her grandparents. Tragically she wandered off and after a desperate search was found barely alive in a canal. She died days later. The recent blog postings chronicle their journey through unimaginable grief. Their strength and faith is truly remarkable.

Oh boy we were having a day today. It was me. I was in a bad mood. For no good reason but everything was bugging me, including dirty diapers and runny noses and crumbs that appeared moments after I vacuumed the floor. I felt drudgerous today and was certainly going through the motions. I didn't want to ask for shoes to be put on one more time. I didn't want to hear all the things rather desired for dinner, I didn't want to wash hair, do bedtime stories or fold laundry. I was in a bad mood. and then I read this post. 

Oh yes, the guilt flowed. My heart ached for this family. My Mother eyes stung with each word and the thought of a life without the very things that I had felt fleeting annoyance at only hours earlier hung over me. How short the time I fold little sleepers and match tiny socks. How quickly passing the nose that is helplessly out of control in the cold without a mother's tissue to intervene.  How blessed I am that I kissed my babies goodnight tonight.
I thought of all the "habits" in our day. So many of them revolving around the children. I cannot bring myself to imagine the ache of arms with no baby to hug at bedtime. I will certainly think of this family in gratitude for reminding me of what is so important.

Shortly after the funeral Ashley was asked if there was anything she would have changed about the time she had with her daughter. She answered take more pictures and slow down.

 I wondered this question. Looking back what would I change, what CAN I change?
I think the two things that come to mind and continue to be a theme in my life of late are "savor" and "be present". I want to be more in the moment with my family and with myself. I want to stop thinking so much of the future and more of the now. I want to be engaged in the moment I am in. I want to listen, feel and enjoy the now of my day. I don't want to absentmindedly "mmm hmmm" Ben in a conversation while I turn the newspaper with one hand and stir a pot with the other. I want to make it count. I want to be able to answer that question one day, upon reflection, with a quick and confident "nothing".

Friday, October 15, 2010

Farm School

Our favorite time of the week is when we go to farm school. Yes, that's right, farm school. It is as awesome as it sounds. At the same farm we had Ben's birthday at we attend a preschool program weekly. Each week we learn about a new vegetable and animal.If you have any questions about donkeys, goats, ducks, sheep, pigs, carrots, squash, potatoes, corn or rabbits you can ask us. We are kind of experts now.

After grinding corn and feeding the donkeys, pigs and goats we head inside the farmhouse to do a craft and a snack. Then we play a game in the barn and they end with a play in the hay loft.

Did I mention it is awesome?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That...

 Have I mentioned lately how much I love the fall? Well I sure do!

 If you have a three year old in your house with the energy of 17 adults I hope a sink full of water, cranberries and all the utensils in the kitchen keep them occupied for over an hour too. As an added bonus your floor gets a good rinse as well.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Two Boys

Jacob has idolized Ben since he first laid eyes on his big brother. Ben initially reacted with curiosity, confusion and reservation. I was concerned for their relationship. I tried to encourage positive interaction but soon discovered that a hands off approach was for the best. their relationship would develop in thier time, on their terms. But it was hard to watch this transition at times, when Ben felt displaced and unsure of this stranger in our house, whose needs, sometimes, came before his.  Fortunately There were still hints of tender moments early on, especially when Ben thought I wasn't watching; a sweet smile, a shared toy.  I was hopeful those were a sign of things to come.

To my exhaled delight my two boys could be defined at this point in no other terms than best friends. They equally delight in one another's company, find the other hilarious and frequently collapse into each other in laughter. Ben is protective, loving and attentive to Jacob. He thinks of him always, keeps track of him and stands guard if someone he isn't sure of is holding him. He will tell them "That is our baby. You can't have him". Ben plays with him sweetly, and (not always) gently. He includes him by beginning most requests with "can two boys...?"

Jacob of course thinks Ben is his hero.

I stole a moment last week when there was rare quiet. Ben was quietly playing upstairs and Jacob was in his bedroom having a morning nap. I had a phone call I needed to make and thought I would try my luck. A few minutes later two wails erupted upstairs. Simultaneously I could hear both Ben and Jake crying...In Jacob's room. I was not happy with Ben, who obviously was not suppose to go in there during nap time and even less so when I found him in the crib beside his baby brother. The stool next to the crib along with the baby who never cries, crying could only mean that Ben fell on him while trying to get into the crib. I picked up Jacob while Ben still cried, "I didn't MEEEEEEEAAAAAAN to!"
"Ben! Why did you come in here while Jacob was sleeping?! You KNOW better than that!"

He stopped crying and looked at me seriously.

"But Mommy, I just missed him."

These two boys of mine. They sure make my heart happy.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

One Thing We Can All Agree On...

Jacob has joined spaghetti night! He shoved fistfuls of pasta into his mouth as fast as he could. He is an enthusiastic participant to say the least. Of course he has never refused food of any sort so it isn't saying much but it is nice to cook only one meal, at least one night a week.

Monday, October 4, 2010

No Pain No Gain

I started a new gym today... and braved my first fitness class. With other women, and many many mirrors. It was intimidating, all that lu lu lemon in one spot....all those abs. And mine, well...they're in there somewhere I am pretty sure. "Kim" is the instructor. I am pretty sure she and biggest loser Gillian are cousins. I instantly wished I was back on my couch laughing at the contestants falling off the treadmills, eating my kit kat when I pushed through and committed to entertaining one of my worst nightmares.

I should back up. I took HALF a fitness class one time. I was middle row center in a similar group of women when Nike was still cool and I still had abdominal muscles. The music started, the instructor was pumped and off the class went....lunging, squatting, dancing and boogying their butts into shape. I was intent on watching the instructor, because co ordination and rhythm are not my strengths. At all.

I finally thought I was getting it and took my eyes off the instructor to watch the group move simultaneously in the wrap around floor to ceiling mirrors. I noticed one poor woman hidden behind the front row whose arms shot up as the rest shot theirs down. Her movements awkward and clumsy. She was one beat off the rest of the group; certainly she was throwing everyone else off. I made sure to really step it up and did my best to keep up with more seasoned ladies and not pay any attention to the class dud in the middle. The middle....!!! It hit me then.With full force beet red embarrassment. Clumsy no rhythm hands was me!!!!
By the grace of all things holy there was a 2 minute water break a few moments later where I left never to return again.

Until today.

I half contemplated making an announcement to the class before it started about the impending distraction I would be, with a pre class apology to the instructor.

Yup. I flailed my arms around and did the opposite leg as everyone else and used my right instead of my left and when I caught someone smiling at me in the mirror. I smiled back.

I think I can go back tomorrow. I felt really really good...well other than that nasty pride indigestion...tums doesn't make that brand unfortunately.I am confident that it will pass. It always does.

My goal is to do 5 gym sessions a week until I lose 50 pounds. I think I can do this! The boys survived their first morning in the childminding area where a running loop of Dora the Explorer is played. After two episodes Ben is already talking about "Rainbow mountain", "Swiper no swiping!" and other lingo unique to the most annoying children's show since a certain purple dinosaur. I survived my first class back, most definitely the hardest to get through...!

ps. I hate lunges more than anything in the whole entire would. I believe the Japanese invented them during world war two.I yelled out more than once "No more! I will tell you everything you want to know!"
...that didn't help my class popularity.

pss. My reward for being a size 8 will be my very own pair of lu lu lemons. Do they come in hot pink? Cause I might not be sticking out enough yet...

pss. Tomorrow's class is Zumba. That is dangerously close to dancing, which all who know me know I don't do (please see above...) especially not with Latin influence... perhaps this will aid my rhythm and co ordination efforts?

Psss. Aren't I brave? I should probably get my Lu Lu's now. Although I don't think they come in plus size. For good reason.

Pssss. Two women talked to me after class, they asked me if I was "new" sweet to assume that there was any other answer to that.
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