Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Different Kind Of Grateful


Ben had an appointment with his Allergy specialist last week to get an immunization. Because this particular one can have egg in it it must be done in the hospital in the specialist unit. I am, shall we say, a little nervous to the days leading up (by this of course I mean heart palpitations and cold sweats...). My nerves kick in the moment we pull into view of the monstrous building. This is a facility we are so blessed to have available to us and is one of the largest children hospitals in the province. I try to remember that as I loath being there. As we walked into the building this time my senses were peaked, perhaps out of nerves, pregancy hormones or simple intuition. I could sense the suffering in the walls. Heartbreak, anguish and despair radiated from the thick brightly painted brick. Miniature cots, stretchers and IV pols lining the halls serving as tragic reminders of why this building is here. Tragic in the worst of ways. We walked past an empty courtyard with toys scattered about. I willed my eyes not to well as I considered the two options; there were no children to play or they were two sick to do so. I wished badly on the first but feared the latter. My own busy boy, an example of robust health squealed at the miniature ride ons. "TOYS TOYS!" I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude then. We would be leaving with our precious child in a few short hours. Many Parents within heartache sensing distance would not be. They would be leaving their babies on one of those little beds and forced to walk past the empty courtyard with empty arms. I can't imagine anything worse, even if I let my mind travel in the dark rooms of fear, of watching your child suffer. That degree of helplessness and sadness is made for one stronger then I.

As we entered the Allergy wing I breathed deeply. Even as we left with a diagnosis of two newly developed allergies (dairy and dogs) and an explanation that he could continue to grow into more I felt....grateful. So profoundly grateful that this is our challenge. I would not trade it as I know what alternatives are available.

I had previously felt as though we had been sentences to this life with allergies. It dictates when, where and what we can do. Ben cannot touch a dog now or eat an ice cream cone...but he can run and play and laugh and thank God, we get to bring him home.

2 comments:

Laura D. Barton-Eady said...

Jenn you are so strong, I probably would have lost it by now and Kyle would have had to put me in a rubber room. Also you are strong because you can actually WALK in a hospital, I usually get maybe 2 steps in before needing to be "helped" to where I am going. Last year my Grandma was in the hospital and I had to stand outside the window with Mamaz because I just couldn't go in (Mamaz couldn't go because of the medicine she is on). You are such an example.

Coconut said...

Hi Jenn! It's Jamie from Early Years...found this link on Facebook...

And I hear you on your entry. I can't even imagine what some parents must go through...we are lucky for our happy and healthy boys. I know Ben's allergies must be terrifying... but perspective is everything, and it sounds like that hospital visit definitely gave perspective! I hope Ben grows out of some or all of his allergies sooner than later...

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