Dear God...

As of 6:22 pm August 22 2007 I have found myself in a continual state of prayer. A mix of pleading, bartering and conversing with God...

Dear God...

Please let him be okay... let him be healthy... please make him happy. Help me be the kind of mother he deserves... help me love him a little less! Dear God please make him stop crying... God...why isn't he crying?!... Let him be happy God, help him have big dreams and hopes- please make them come true. Dear God let him know that I would never let anything happen to him... please don't you let anything happen to him! Make him know no one could love him like I do, ever. Help me remember how to stop fussing over him... Is he warm enough God? Can you make the sun come out for him? Dear God help my ankles to come back someday... Help Ben know how lucky he is to have Jon as his dad.... What did I do God, to deserve them? God?? Please make the world a little better for him, he is too small, too perfect...Dear God help me trust that he will be breathing when I wake up- dear God let him sleep... help me sleep! Dear God how did you get his tiny little nails just right? I'm sorry God that people say there are no such thing as modern miracles... I am staring at one! Help him Lauph and love. Help his heart to never break. Help me to care again one day about laundry and dishes and clean bathrooms, but not today. Forgive me for not having the patience to understand and to trust that he was coming

Dear God.... Thank you.