I popped a piece of gum in my mouth at my first lecture in Univeristy and then put my head down as I was accustomed to in high school so I could chew it long enough for as long as it took before the flavour was gone to be inevidably caught and sent to the garbage can. I looked at the young men around me with thier baseball caps on (yes..indoors! a terrible infraction in the walls of a highschool...almost as bad as gum chewing)! and looked at the professor who I suspected looked forward to one less paper to grade when you decide to stay out drinking all night in liu of finishing it if that is what you choose. I looked at the pad of paper in my lap which I was responisble for taking my own notes on (should I choose) that no one would ever grade or mark grammer on and I realized at the moment I had crossed that threshhold from adolescence to adulthood. I could chew gum if I felt like it no one cared. Detentions and groundings, once popular things of my past would be no more. I could do what I want.
I was a child who longed for independence, I wanted so badly to make my own toast, walk myself to school, go to bed when I felt like it. I wanted to eat cookies if I felt like it and ride my bike far after the street lights came on if thats what I felt compelled to do. My parents did see this need and one of my proudest moments was getting on the train by myslef to visit my aunt in Montreal when I was 8. I loved the freedom I had and the competence my parents obviously belived I had. Unfortunatly I still had to live (to a degree) by the laws that children must abide by like bedtime, teethbrushing and piano practicing. This day in university was a new beggining.
I find myself still going to bed at midnight knowing I have to get up with a baby at 6:30...simply because I can. I eat 6 cookies at a time becasue no one will tell me not to. I buy candy at the checkout because I can. I drink pop before 10 am if I feel like it. I don't unbunch my socks before putting them in the washer and I don't rinse my plate before putting it in the dishwasher (nor do I turn off the lights when I leave the room). I was thinking today that at some point this silent savouring of all the things I longed to do as a child has to come to an end...as I dragged myself out of bed again this morning for staying up once again too late I am thinking that bedtimes aren't the worst thing that ever happened after all...
1 comment:
Hahaha I know what you mean. For me getting married was the first time away from the parents and their rules (which were very lax for parents). Kyle and I were both away from rules and fell victim to such thinking. For me it was that I could eat count chocula when ever I wanted and as much as I wanted. We have both gained so much weight it is sad, what else is sad? I still jump on the bed because I can.
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