I had a dream last week. Then I had it again last night.
A baby was handed to me after what seemed to be a pleasant labor experience (I even had a fresh pedicure...you must have one before delivery...your feet are the only things that will look pretty when your done so it is important, I am glad my subconscious remembered).
"It's a boy!" The midwife handed him to Jon. He looked like Ben...and Jake...big surprise.
"Joshua!" Jon said, and passed him to me.
"I was waiting". He squeaked at me (the baby, not Jon).
And then I kissed him, even though he was still slimy. (You don't think that is gross when it is your baby...)
I woke again, to the newborn I ALREADY have and silently argued with God, angels, the universe, my biological urge to procreate and my subconscious for producing this recurring dream and having me awake to arms that ache for a baby, as I was holding one.
Okay Okay! I surrender...I want more babies! Stop giving me dreams of future talking newborns!
I don't think we are done... I maybe briefly entertained the thought of two children completing me last week...thus triggering this retaliation of the aforementioned forces. It was simply out of ease I was fantasizing about the completion of our family. I wouldn't have to gain any more weight...I have two arms, hands and knees to plunk children on, there is one child for each parent which makes trips to the zoo easier...meat pies come in boxes of four. Um. That was about all I came up with.
There are more compelling reasons to have more, and it makes me feel sad for those who say to me after they have asked me the "how many" question,
"You'll stop after you have a girl though right?"
"I think you'll change your mind...just wait for (insert any of the following)
terrible two's, school, teenagers, teething, driving, expenses..."
"Wow, wouldn't that be expensive"?
"you're braver than me"!
"Good luck to you!"
"What does your husband think?"
"Why on earth would you want to have that many children"?
So in response...
I would love a girl, I would love her like I love my boys...only she would wear pink and have a bow in her hair, a big one...always. I may love her so much I would want another...so no perhaps I would not stop after I had a girl.
I think "this too shall pass" many times, and more frequently as we have found ourselves smack in the middle of those infamous "two's". they are terrific more so than they are terrible however so I have to imagine that the other "risks" of parenting will be much the same.
Children are as expensive as you make them. For example I only feed mine twice a day and they seem to do alright. Kidding... I feed them once.
Okay seriously, I would rival someone who claims they could stretch a dollar further than me...I have great good deal karma. It is a talent...that I use for good...I would spent less money on ten children than most spend on two and the talent part is that you would never know it...because I still want my ninth child to wear Gymboree clothes, will still insist on organic, free range chicken on our dinner table and will still change our interior accent colour every season...Yup, I am good I tell ya!
I would not be brave to have a home busting with children...I would be blessed (I could not write that in a way that didn't ooze with eye rolling corniness..I tried).
I would not need luck to have more children. I need confidence, otherwise I wouldn't do it. I think raising children (as I may have mentioned a time or two before) is the most rewarding, challenging, exciting and important job there is and I take it seriously. Jon and I are committed to raising confident, tolerant, capable, charitable, intelligent, educated, secure, productive and happy adults. This is no small job description. I wouldn't jump on board each time without the assurance that we are once again offering the best we have to offer (so hats off to you Michelle Duggar, the saint that you are...we won't be going there!).
My husband thinks we have the most incredible, brilliant, beautiful children God has put on this earth. He thinks we must have done something right to have received both of them! He says the more the merrier... but puts his foot down at buying one of those 9 passenger vans with Christian family camp bumper stickers all over the back... you know the ones I am talking about...to that I agree.
And my favorite...
Why would I want more children? Well, obviously to have asked in the first place you have not been the lucky recipient of a conversation with the endlessly charming Benjamin or had the pleasure of feeling the soft weight of Jacob's wrinkly baby bum in the palm of your hand while his head rests firmly on your chest, close enough to you that you can feel his heartbeat against yours. These are moments life was made for. So in short, why wouldn't I?
PS... I am not pregnant...