New Hang Out...

So I figured 630 posts was a good number to retire this blog on...

 I have a new blog now... I hope you check me out!

I am having a hard time leaving...I tried to post this three times. But we can come back here...you know to remember the good times:)

www.inthenow.blogspot.com


Come take "A glimpse"

What Would I Change?

I came across this blog today. A day when I needed perspective. A day when I allowed complaint to creep into my thoughts. I was teetering on the terrain of taking it for granted. Until I received this reminder to tread lightly there and back up slowly. I quickly remembered the magnitude of my blessings.

This family has shown a valiant faith I am in awe of after losing their 18 month old daughter  While her parents were on a date she was being babysat by her grandparents. Tragically she wandered off and after a desperate search was found barely alive in a canal. She died days later. The recent blog postings chronicle their journey through unimaginable grief. Their strength and faith is truly remarkable.

Oh boy we were having a day today. It was me. I was in a bad mood. For no good reason but everything was bugging me, including dirty diapers and runny noses and crumbs that appeared moments after I vacuumed the floor. I felt drudgerous today and was certainly going through the motions. I didn't want to ask for shoes to be put on one more time. I didn't want to hear all the things rather desired for dinner, I didn't want to wash hair, do bedtime stories or fold laundry. I was in a bad mood. and then I read this post. 

Oh yes, the guilt flowed. My heart ached for this family. My Mother eyes stung with each word and the thought of a life without the very things that I had felt fleeting annoyance at only hours earlier hung over me. How short the time I fold little sleepers and match tiny socks. How quickly passing the nose that is helplessly out of control in the cold without a mother's tissue to intervene.  How blessed I am that I kissed my babies goodnight tonight.
I thought of all the "habits" in our day. So many of them revolving around the children. I cannot bring myself to imagine the ache of arms with no baby to hug at bedtime. I will certainly think of this family in gratitude for reminding me of what is so important.

Shortly after the funeral Ashley was asked if there was anything she would have changed about the time she had with her daughter. She answered take more pictures and slow down.

 I wondered this question. Looking back what would I change, what CAN I change?
I think the two things that come to mind and continue to be a theme in my life of late are "savor" and "be present". I want to be more in the moment with my family and with myself. I want to stop thinking so much of the future and more of the now. I want to be engaged in the moment I am in. I want to listen, feel and enjoy the now of my day. I don't want to absentmindedly "mmm hmmm" Ben in a conversation while I turn the newspaper with one hand and stir a pot with the other. I want to make it count. I want to be able to answer that question one day, upon reflection, with a quick and confident "nothing".

Farm School

Our favorite time of the week is when we go to farm school. Yes, that's right, farm school. It is as awesome as it sounds. At the same farm we had Ben's birthday at we attend a preschool program weekly. Each week we learn about a new vegetable and animal.If you have any questions about donkeys, goats, ducks, sheep, pigs, carrots, squash, potatoes, corn or rabbits you can ask us. We are kind of experts now.

After grinding corn and feeding the donkeys, pigs and goats we head inside the farmhouse to do a craft and a snack. Then we play a game in the barn and they end with a play in the hay loft.

Did I mention it is awesome?

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That...

 Have I mentioned lately how much I love the fall? Well I sure do!

 If you have a three year old in your house with the energy of 17 adults I hope a sink full of water, cranberries and all the utensils in the kitchen keep them occupied for over an hour too. As an added bonus your floor gets a good rinse as well.

Two Boys

Jacob has idolized Ben since he first laid eyes on his big brother. Ben initially reacted with curiosity, confusion and reservation. I was concerned for their relationship. I tried to encourage positive interaction but soon discovered that a hands off approach was for the best. their relationship would develop in thier time, on their terms. But it was hard to watch this transition at times, when Ben felt displaced and unsure of this stranger in our house, whose needs, sometimes, came before his.  Fortunately There were still hints of tender moments early on, especially when Ben thought I wasn't watching; a sweet smile, a shared toy.  I was hopeful those were a sign of things to come.

To my exhaled delight my two boys could be defined at this point in no other terms than best friends. They equally delight in one another's company, find the other hilarious and frequently collapse into each other in laughter. Ben is protective, loving and attentive to Jacob. He thinks of him always, keeps track of him and stands guard if someone he isn't sure of is holding him. He will tell them "That is our baby. You can't have him". Ben plays with him sweetly, and (not always) gently. He includes him by beginning most requests with "can two boys...?"

Jacob of course thinks Ben is his hero.

I stole a moment last week when there was rare quiet. Ben was quietly playing upstairs and Jacob was in his bedroom having a morning nap. I had a phone call I needed to make and thought I would try my luck. A few minutes later two wails erupted upstairs. Simultaneously I could hear both Ben and Jake crying...In Jacob's room. I was not happy with Ben, who obviously was not suppose to go in there during nap time and even less so when I found him in the crib beside his baby brother. The stool next to the crib along with the baby who never cries, crying could only mean that Ben fell on him while trying to get into the crib. I picked up Jacob while Ben still cried, "I didn't MEEEEEEEAAAAAAN to!"
"Ben! Why did you come in here while Jacob was sleeping?! You KNOW better than that!"

He stopped crying and looked at me seriously.

"But Mommy, I just missed him."


These two boys of mine. They sure make my heart happy.

One Thing We Can All Agree On...

Jacob has joined spaghetti night! He shoved fistfuls of pasta into his mouth as fast as he could. He is an enthusiastic participant to say the least. Of course he has never refused food of any sort so it isn't saying much but it is nice to cook only one meal, at least one night a week.

No Pain No Gain

I started a new gym today... and braved my first fitness class. With other women, and many many mirrors. It was intimidating, all that lu lu lemon in one spot....all those abs. And mine, well...they're in there somewhere I am pretty sure. "Kim" is the instructor. I am pretty sure she and biggest loser Gillian are cousins. I instantly wished I was back on my couch laughing at the contestants falling off the treadmills, eating my kit kat when I pushed through and committed to entertaining one of my worst nightmares.

I should back up. I took HALF a fitness class one time. I was middle row center in a similar group of women when Nike was still cool and I still had abdominal muscles. The music started, the instructor was pumped and off the class went....lunging, squatting, dancing and boogying their butts into shape. I was intent on watching the instructor, because co ordination and rhythm are not my strengths. At all.

I finally thought I was getting it and took my eyes off the instructor to watch the group move simultaneously in the wrap around floor to ceiling mirrors. I noticed one poor woman hidden behind the front row whose arms shot up as the rest shot theirs down. Her movements awkward and clumsy. She was one beat off the rest of the group; certainly she was throwing everyone else off. I made sure to really step it up and did my best to keep up with more seasoned ladies and not pay any attention to the class dud in the middle. The middle....!!! It hit me then.With full force beet red embarrassment. Clumsy no rhythm hands was me!!!!
By the grace of all things holy there was a 2 minute water break a few moments later where I left never to return again.

Until today.

I half contemplated making an announcement to the class before it started about the impending distraction I would be, with a pre class apology to the instructor.

Yup. I flailed my arms around and did the opposite leg as everyone else and used my right instead of my left and when I caught someone smiling at me in the mirror. I smiled back.

I think I can go back tomorrow. I felt really really good...well other than that nasty pride indigestion...tums doesn't make that brand unfortunately.I am confident that it will pass. It always does.

My goal is to do 5 gym sessions a week until I lose 50 pounds. I think I can do this! The boys survived their first morning in the childminding area where a running loop of Dora the Explorer is played. After two episodes Ben is already talking about "Rainbow mountain", "Swiper no swiping!" and other lingo unique to the most annoying children's show since a certain purple dinosaur. I survived my first class back, most definitely the hardest to get through...!

ps. I hate lunges more than anything in the whole entire would. I believe the Japanese invented them during world war two.I yelled out more than once "No more! I will tell you everything you want to know!"
...that didn't help my class popularity.

pss. My reward for being a size 8 will be my very own pair of lu lu lemons. Do they come in hot pink? Cause I might not be sticking out enough yet...

pss. Tomorrow's class is Zumba. That is dangerously close to dancing, which all who know me know I don't do (please see above...) especially not with Latin influence... perhaps this will aid my rhythm and co ordination efforts?

Psss. Aren't I brave? I should probably get my Lu Lu's now. Although I don't think they come in plus size. For good reason.

Pssss. Two women talked to me after class, they asked me if I was "new"...how sweet to assume that there was any other answer to that.

Big Boy Bed

Ben is finally in a real bed! Whew.

Bedtimes have taken on a whole new adventure now that we have 36 rounds of "back to bed Ben". 
Water, wet diaper, questions, monster, owl in the window, one more book, 2 more songs, 10 minutes of laying down with him, hurt finger.... they go on. And on.

To date we have tried putting him to bed with one bedroom pass, where he can get out of bed for something. After that  he  is in bed to stay. Nope. We have tried putting back to bed without engaging in conversation over and over. Nope. We have tried putting a childproof door stopper on his doorknob. He yells so loudly Jacob wakes up...so...nope. We have tried shortening daytime naps. Nope. We have tried a bribe box of treats the next morning when he stays in bed. Short lived. Then we got out the playpen and set it up in his room. If he gets out of his bed...a privilege... then he has to stay in the play pen...where we know he is safe and not wondering around. He was not happy. He cried. We, after exhausting every other option we could think of decided to stay firm. He wasn't happy but neither we we. We couldn't do this until midnight every night.

"BUT IT HUUUUUUURTS!!!!"

Huh?

Great, another tactic. He was really crying now and I thought, fine...there better really be something!
I went in to find the playpen, underneath a chalkboard that is hanging out of his reach normally. There used to be a bulletin board in his room for his art that I took down when we put our house up for sale. On the chalkboard ledge I had left the push pins for the board when I took his art down.

Now they were all in the playpen. He was up just high enough, we didn't realize to be within arms reach of the ledge. Ben was pathetically huddled awkwardly in the corner trying to find a tackless spot.

"This bed Huuuuuurts meeeeee!"

I was trying to swallow my guilt and my laughter at the same time and chocked out..."well, should you try your much more comfortable big bed then?"

He agreed...and it seems to have done the trick. I wouldn't however offer a "playpen lined with thumb tacks" as a suitable piece of parenting advice obviously...but it however accidentally seems to have worked for us!

Ben's Farm Party

Ben's farm party was a huge success! Great weather, friends and family there to help celebrate, animals to feed, a barn to play in, rice krispie treat snack, tractor ride, farm yard cupcakes in ice cream cones and beautifully thought out and packaged treat plates from Grandma and lots of generous gifts (that kept him awake until midnight...)! We are glad you enjoyed your party Ben!

Dialogue of a Day

Good morning Ben-HEY! don't hit Jakey!- give mommy a kiss. Thank you. Freezie's aren't a breakfast food, do you want toast or cereal with your juice? Cookies aren't for breakfast either...no neither are cupcakes. Wait! Where are your shoes? You need shoes before you go outside. Because it's not safe to go out....because there is glass on the deck still....yes there is, just tiny pieces from when the table broke...because they will get in your foot...yes they will...YES they will... don't argue with Mommy, just get your shoes...BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!!! (deep breath deep breath deep breath). Ben where are your pants? Yes I see your shoes but you need your pants on too. Because we don't wear diapers outside. Because we just don't. I don't know...do you see anyone else in diapers? Well, yes that is because I haven't dressed Jakey yet, because I have been argu-talking to you for so long. "

"I need to go downstairs for a minute to get laundry, I will be right back.
BEN WHY IS THERE WATER COMING DOWN THE WALL?!!!!!!! .......BEEEEEEEEEEEEEN I HAVE ASKED YOU NOT TO TURN THE KITCHEN TAP ONTO THE COUNTER!!! WHEN YOU TURN ON THE WATER THIIIIIIIS IS WHAT HAPPENS!!!!! The floor is covered because you        turned the water on and moved the tap out of the sink...I don't KNOW why you did that! Don't move until I get towels for the floor because you will.... slip. It's okay, your okay, Mommy was trying to tell you not to get down, the floor is slippery in the water...BECAUSE you turned the water on it! (deep breath deep breath deep breath).

Ben don't eat the play dough- OR hit Jakey!- because it is not good for your tummy. I KNOW it smells good but that doesn't mean it tastes good. Well yes, most things that smell good taste good, you're right. No, I am still sure that the play dough won't taste good. Because I have tried play dough and it doesn't. No it didn't smell that good. okay have a tiny piece. I know, it doesn't taste good- If you try to hit your brother again you are sitting in your thinking spot! Do you want to play with Jake? Let's roll the ball to him- NO not his head! Just to his hands...there! See isn't that fun, he likes that-no don't lay on him either! Because you are a lot bigger than him. Because you were born first. Because God wanted it that way. Because he knew you would be such a good big brother. No he doesn't LIKE to be squashed. I know because I am the mom. I have to make a quick phonecall...just a minute okay. BEN! please don't play parade right now...just wait until I am off the phone! I know you are part of the band but just take a break for a second okay? Noooo Ben don't cry. I LOVE your music I just can't hear~!

Yes we can make muffins. Of course you can be my helper! Okay I am going to get the ingredients out and then you can pour them in okay? Okay we have the flour, salt, baking soda, banana, oats, aaaaand...let me get out some oil- No no no! Beeeeenny...you can't put ALL the salt in, we just had to put a tiny bit in, otherwise it will taste bad. Let me see if we can just scoop it out-NOOOO not the bakins soda, honey we have to wait! Ah! okay now we have to dump it out and start over. No you don't need to be sad, we just need to start over...

I have to go put Jacob to bed, I will be back in five minutes. Sit at the table and eat your snack and I will be right back. No you can't come with us. Because I let you come last time and you were too loud for him to sleep. No I think- here, have a lolly pop and sit at the table to eat it, I will be RIGHT back.

BEN WHAT WAS THAT? Okay okay don't move- remember how slippery the water is on the floor! That was Mommy's pretty vase of birthday flowers from Grandma Ben! I ask you not to climb on the furniture because it isn't safe AND because things get broken. I know we are lucky the vase didn't get smashed, glass would have got in your feet, yes, like the table, exactly. Let's just pick them all up and get more water- BEN I ASKED YOU NOT TO MOVE- I am sorry I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled, but mommy asked you not to move and now you have crushed our flowers. No I am not mad Ben, I am just sad because I liked those flowers a lot and I have asked you to- Ben, look at me! - DO NOT TRY TO HIT JACOB! Come over here to your thinking spot and think about a better choice please. Why are you laughing? There is nothing funny right now. Ben. think about what you need to do in the future so accidents like that don't happen and what you can do to get Jacobs attention rather that swat him. I know it makes him laugh but I don't think it is very kind and it is teaching him to hit. No hitting is not kind, no neither is kicking. No I don't want you to teach him to kick! Yes a ball. You can teach him to kick a ball, that would be fine.

No you can't watch a show. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. ONE show. That is all, and then we can walk down to the mailbox okay? Yes you can hold the key, and open the mail, yes yes yes.
Thank you for putting your shoes on so well for our walk Ben, that makes Mommy really happy when we can get out the door easily like that. Jacob doesn't need shoes because he doesn't walk. Because he hasn't learned yet. Because he is a baby. You know there was a time when children were suppose to be seen and not heard...I wonder what that was like? Huh? No no mommy is just kidding, it would have been boring.  Do you see the leaves falling? That is because it is fall now. Yes I am sure it is called that because that is what the leaves do ...that is a Caterpillar, I don't know where his mom is...

What do you want for lunch Ben? Yes you can help- grapes, banana and salmon toast coming up! You can peel the banana. Can Jake have some? He likes banana too. BEN don't take it out of his mouth. Because Mommy said he could have it, yes I know it was your banana but it was just a small piece, I thought you could share. Because you weren't going to eat the whole thing anyway- yes of course you were. Okay here, a new banana. Yes, all for you. Are you all done your lunch now Benny? You didn't eat your banana. You DO like them. You did ten minutes ago when you asked for one. (Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath).

Yes you can do a craft. For Daddy? I am sure he would love that. Do you want to use your paint or your markers? Both?! Okay! That is going to be a really fancy card. Stickers too?! okay! Here you go, I am just going to the bathroom for one minute I will be right back. BEEEEEEEN! You know paint ONLY goes on paper NOT hair! yes on your hands when we do hand prints...no I don't think we can do hair prints. I know you just wanted a hair print. What if we paint hair on your picture. Okay there.

We are having a bath now because you have paint in your hair. I know we usually have a bath after supper but you don't usually have paint in your hair. Yes you can put in the bubbles. I know Jacob doesn't have hair but I think he would like a bath anyway. Yes you CAN share the bath toys. Okay one,  you pick it out. Please don't splash the water out of the tub, because the floor will be slippery. I know you know, so don't do it again k? BEN! If you do it again you are getting out. You need to do what Mommy asks. Because my job is to keep you safe. BECAUSE I SAID SO. Okay you are getting out now. Yes you are- you are not listening to me that is why- Don't move! BEN! I said don't move---I know you are crying because you slipped AGAIN in water you put on the floor.

You need a rest now becuase it is napping time. It just is, I don't know. That is just the way the day goes. Yes if you stay in your bed you can pick from the treat jar. No, one. One or none. I love you.
Have a good sleep. Ohhhh that is nice to kiss Jakey too- DON"T HIT HIM! No he isn't laughing. Well he is laughing because he thinks you are playing but it could hurt him. Yes, one more hug. Okay, last one. Love you. See you when you get up.

Ben if you come out again you are not getting your treat jar. Yes you do need to lay down now. This is when mommy does her work. No there is no job for a little boy to help with. Your job is to nap right now. Yes TWO treats if you go now.

What do you want for a snack? Are you going to eat the banana? Are you SURE you like them again? Okay here. And raisins? Sure. You're done already? No, you didn't eat your banana- what do you mean you don't like them again!? Can you decide that BEFORE We peel them? No I can't put them in the fridge, they get yucky. I don't really want another banana. Okay yes I do, fine. Thank you.


Is that Daddy's car? Okay get your craft ready to show him. I know! He is going to love it!
I am happy Daddy is home too! REALLY happy!

Yes you can go to the park with Daddy and Jacob while I make dinner- SHOES Ben!

Ben, please sit at the table, because we don't eat dinner on the table. It is rude. Rude is when you don't think of other people. It is rude because we don't want bums where our food is. Daddy is laughing because Mommy is...funny.

Daddy is going to read your books with you and then you may watch ONE show. No, one. I am not talking anymore about it. You can cry, but that won't get you two.

What are we doing tomorrow? I think we are going to go to the market, and then? Um go for a walk? and then....um I don't know yet Ben...okay okay...uuum then we will have a snack and make a fall collage...I will explain it to you tomorrow. No, tomorrow. And then....we will hang it on the fridge and then we will have lunch and then play outside and then have a nap and then...Daddy will come home.
I love you Ben. Goodnight.
Whew. Kids are both in Bed! What do I want to do? A movie? Uuuuuum, I think I am actually going to go to bed. I know it is 8:30, but I am

....exhausted.


***This depiction was based on actual events. They may not have happened in order outlined or in the same 24 hours. However they did take place over... 48 hours.

To The Birthday Girl

You are such a wonderful wife and mother who does so much for us all year. We hope we gave you a great birthday today!!

 

We love you!!

Jon, Ben and Jacob

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Dancing For His Dinner

Food doesn't come free in this house, nosiree... okay it does, but it is more entertaning for Mommy when you dance for it first!



Don't mind the annoying pitch of my voice, it is the one that encourages the moves though...

8 Months!

1- Jake is crawling EVERYWHERE now. He started propelling himself in a weird inexplicable series of movements when he was almost seven months but I was waiting for him to do the hands and knees thing...which came at seven months. He is showing interest in pulling himself up now so we will see what this month brings!

2- He loves balls, they got him to crawl!

3- He loves FOOD!!! Jake feeds himself diced grapes, banana and loves to eat roasted sweet potato.

4- Jake has a great little sense of humor. He does something he knows is silly and immediately looks to us for a laugh.

5- Jake is so lovable. It is hard to walk by him without picking him up for a squeeze.

6- He signs "milk" and "food" if you ask him a question he will grin and wave his fingers excitedly to say yes.

7- He will cry if you say "no" to him. So we don't...he has the saddest cry ever! It is a series of little heartbreaking sobs. It rarely happens but when it does...so sad.  I recommend when he bites you, just go with it. Your cry won't be as sad.

8- He bites... a lot.

9- He thinks it is hilarious.

10- He thinks "Ouch"! is even more hilarious.

11- my facts are getting out of control!

12- But Grammie asked for more frequent updates.

13- He only wakes up twice a night now.

14- His Mom is really happy about that.

15- He loves to wrestle with Ben. We think it is too rough but he laughs so loudly.

16- He loves to dance. He and Ben may one day have a band...I have never seen children love music so much.

There you go... twice the facts because he is twice as interesting.

....and he is still so stinkin' cute I can barely stand it!

Memories

It occurred to me, when Ben turned three years old that he will remember this year, in those to come.

I have had the experience through much of my childhood of living in a different home every year or two so I know just when certain things took place. I remember living in Newfoundland and so I know I remember my third year. I wonder if Ben will remember today? We didn't do anything extraordinary but it is funny what the brain flags as important and files under "long term" storage. Most of my early memories are very random.

I remember at three walking down the street, hand in hand with my mother. Conscious of my hand in hers. I was asking her the difference between a park and a playground. She smiled and looked at the sky. I wondered if she could see the answer there.

I remember at four (living in a new home by now of course...) asking my My mother to play "Mrs." with me.
She asked me how to play that and I told her "your a Mrs. and I am a Mrs." So then she called me "Mrs " all morning and I was pleased.

I remember at five (new house...) watching as my neighbor, a few years older, stuck a living frog over a barbwire fence and closed her eyes as she pushed down hard enough for the barb to pierce through it. I didn't know a lot about death, but I saw the life leave its eyes. She looked at me and I turned around and went home. I remember an anger in me not frequently replicated in my budding activist heart, I never again would be a silent bystander.

I remember at six (same house, new school) the skin eating infection I got that wouldn't go away. There was little skin left on my arm and required frequent trips to the doctor. These visits included the sticky gauze bandage to be removed, the thick ointment washed off and my raw skin brushed clean until it bled. I remember being embarrassed to cry in front of the Doctor. On this particular occasion my mother ran into a friend in the parking lot and as she was distracted in conversation I balanced along the garden edge. I slipped and fell into the gravel...my bad arm catching me. We had to go up and repeat the process so the shards of gravel could be removed. I didn't care about crying then.

I remember at seven (new house, new school) getting sent out in the hall of my second grade class for talking when it was the girl next to me (granted it was usually me).  My intense seven year old sense of fair was rightfully raging and I refused to talk to the teacher when she came out in the hall to get me. I wouldn't look at her when she lost her patience and when she began to get angry I burst into sobs....which of course embarrassed me more and I cried harder.
She left and came back with the principal who took me to her office and gave me gummy worms. She asked me if my parents were divorced. I didn't know what that meant so I just nodded my head.
My Dad walked down to meet me after school which had never happened before. He asked me how my day was and I said it was fine. I asked him if he and my mom were divorced. "No", he said. "Oh. Well the principal thinks you are".

I remember at eight (same house, different school) remembering half way to school about "show and share". A bird caught my attention then and let me get close enough to it to pick it up. I quickly put it in my school bag and zipped it up. Hours later when the teacher asked who had something to share, I proudly shot up my hand. When I brought my bag up to the front of the room and confidently pulled out the most interesting show and share item to date. All I heard was the piercing shriek of the teacher. She grabbed my arm and led me out into the hallway. She told me to stand still as she brought both the janitor and principal down. The janitor took my roadkill and the principal took me. She didn't give me gummy worms.

I remember at nine (new school, new house...of course) I had two sets of twins as best friends. I, not surprisingly I suppose made up a sister of my own...a twin, obviously. Her name was Allison and she stayed at our old school I claimed. I surprised myself at times how easily lies flowed out of my mouth where she was concerned but the pressure became too much with the anticipation of how I would explain my solo birthday party. There was only one way to end this. Allison, tragically. died. My limited experience with death thus far was a series of flushed fish (and a hamster...) and so that is the demise I thought best suited for her. A drowning. I told them quickly, hoping that it would go over easily and we could move on like she hadn't existed at all. Unfortunately both sets of legitimate twins told their parents what happened and promptly they came over to see my surely grief stricken parents. I remember when Kim and Casey showed up at my house with their Mother, I asked why they were there and they told me their Mother wanted to stop by to see my Mom. "Why?" I asked.
"You know, because of...your sister" they looked at me sadly.
Well crap.

My parents never spoke to me about it. I waited but it didn't come, so by the time I got to my next school the stories flowed only as lies with no consequences can. I knew if I got caught in such a web I would move away soon anyhow. By the time I was ten I had traveled the world, had seven sisters, lived on a farm with ponies, my dad bought Marineland....and I received my own pet seal. And and a whale. Of course. I had an allowance of $1000 a week and had a movie theater in my basement. I was allowed to stay up all night and only ate ice cream sandwiches for breakfast. Oddly, I was believed.


I don't remember all my birthday parties or (actual) trips we took but I remember coloring on the living room floor with my brother while the rain hit hard on the window. I remember watching my mom chase my dad around the house with a dish cloth as they laughed. I remember looking out the window as we drove across two provinces to the ocean and my grandparents. I remember playing in the same playhouse my mother did with my cousins. I remember walking two feet behind my mother in a grocery store because she was wearing boots I deemed too ugly to be near me. I remember feeling horribly guilty to see the look on her face when she realized and I was too stubborn and prideful to apologize and take her hand like I wanted to. I remember favorite outfits but don't recall the shopping trip they came from, I don't remember moving houses but I remember my first memories of living there, often in a different season than we arrived. I remember getting chip wagon fries with my friends and breaching the trust that was given me when I asked for ketchup on the bottom so my sugar police mother wouldn't see it on the top. I remember riding my bike in the rain with my dad and eating soup that had bugs in it from being in the cupboard too long...I remember the decision to keep eating it, because I was kind of a weird kid.  I remember some of the big, most of the little.

Memories are it seems, mostly in the details.

I wonder what Ben will remember...

Tiger Feeding

"Ben, what are you doing?"
"I am breast feeding Mr. Beebs!"
"(don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh)... Oh?"
"I asked for breasts for my birthday but I didn't get any so now I am just pretending"

He really did ask for breasts for his birthday...it was all he wanted. To help me feed Baby Jacob with he said and apparently his tiger, Mr. Beebs.

I almost said "well maybe when you turn four" but thought it best not to get his hopes up...

A Blog Review

 I was hooked from the first time I checked out CSN stores. You can buy everything here from toys, housewares and dining room sets to shoes and bedding. It is one stop shopping that doesn't even require you to leave your couch! Can we say "Christmas shopping"???

The best part is I get to do my very own blog review for them. It is very exciting. 

I have a gift card to buy any little thing my heart desires off the site to review.... what oh what do I choose??? Your hoping you are on my Christmas list now aren't you?

Owls

Ben has an interesting interest in owls. Half the time he is terrified of them, half the time he is obssesed with them. He knows the names of most owls, compliments of a book he found and Grandma's house and they are the subject of most of his nightmares.
When I asked him what he wanted to dress up as for Halloween he answered with an obvious
"An owl!" of course.

Later when I said we could go to the store to find some things to make an owl costume he said
"I don't like owls! They have scary eyes!"

So I am not really sure where we are going with this.

He still reads that owl book ten times a day though.

Birthday Review

Ben's third birthday arrived with a cold. He cried through our early morning rendition of Happy Birthday and was not interested in opening his present (carrying it around for the morning until the bag was tattered was the next best alternative).

Grandma and Grampa were sweet enough to take us all to a car show and have a BBQ for Ben's birthday...he perked up enough for that and had a new race car quilt Grandma made him to wrap himself up in....or play cars on!

We managed to get  a few smiles dispute his stuffy nose and the container full of especially for Ben rice flour cocoa cupcakes sure helped. Grandma as usual though had a back up plan. In case your very favorite three year old grandson is having a shortage of birthday cheer just give him one of these...

Amazingly he felt better in no time!