I talked to someone quite special to me on Monday afternoon.
She was quietly diagnosed with a terminal illness on Thursday.
By Sunday she was gone.
In trying to absorb this shock I can't help but feel a perspective shift. In assimilating to the reality that frighteningly enough this happens outside of prime time television dramas; this can happen to happy people, normal people, healthy people. In a moment.
In dealing with this sadness I feel inspired-desperate to make the most of mine. What I have, here and now and left. We simply don't know how long that is. There is no control over this, but we have control over ourselves, over our choices. I choose to make every moment as my children's mother count. I choose to savor every minute of being the loved wife of my cherished husband. I choose to make it count, worthwhile and honorable. I choose to hope for more time.
In feeling this loss I am grasping for gratitude, for knowing her and for others in my life that may not be a week from now.
It is all so precious, fleeting and too often taken for granted.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Apple Orchard
Isn't it incredible that before today Ben didn't know that apples grew on trees. We went to pick apples, assuming that he would enjoy himself. Little did we realize he would run around laughing and throwing apples like a wild farrel child. He was ecstatic to be surrounded by thousands of apples of all colours and sizes. It didn't occur to him that we could EAT these apples until he saw Jon pick one and take a bite, he stared in awe and Jon picked him up to get his own fresh from the tree snack (sampling was encouraged at this particular orchard...). These is something so refreshing about being so close to your food- from tree to mouth. It was a perfect morning; cool, sunny and full of Red Delicious apples!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Pumpkin Patch
One of our favorite ways to mark the beginning of the fall season is to pick our pumpkin from the local pumpkin patch. This year Ben was much more engaged. I was looking forward to some photo opportunity's since I got such good ones last year when he was just barely toddling. This year I got many of the back of his head and many that were blurred because he was running everywhere!
Here was our little pumpkin last year!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Ready For Gabriel
At 27 weeks I realize this is premature however I like to be prepared and without pressure when the time comes so...with 13 weeks to spare we are ready (yes I also have all our Christmas shopping done and half the gifts on my list made...but that is another OCD topic all together...).
One of my favorite things about preparing for a new baby (other then clothes shopping...but I suppose the bulging closet pictures are self explanatory on that note) is bedroom decorating. I looked at the bedroom "sets" available at toys R US when we were expecting Ben. They came in 10 000 piece sets with bumper pads, quilts, pillow cases, curtains, crib skirts change pad covers, diaper holders valences and coordinating mobiles. Whew. I couldn't decide on any of these sets, they seemed overwhelming and excessive. I liked the idea of a children's room that carried on the same decor tone as the rest of the home and was a room he could grow into. One vintage firetruck model was all it took for my inspiration to be born. I had so much fun finding co ordinating firefighter pieces to accent his space.
Gramma (bamma as she is better known as) made him a gingham quilt and curtains to complete his room. I thought his hand picked room added a little character. Each aspect was lovingly selected and represented the anticipation of his arrival. Now he has moved into his new room that was part of our renovation this summer and was to be a "big boy room". But he opted to keep his beloved crib. Now we have two matching cribs then that will eventually be two matching toddler beds when "the boys" share this room. Some of my favorite pieces were the matching sheets to the curtains I found at a yard sale, the firetruck sheets compliments of a Bamma Target trip, His "binky" which is the impossibly soft blanket Grammie made. I love his firetruck lamp with the nightlight...the bulletin board that he proudly hangs his art and pictures of favorite people on and his toybox pillows. I love the small framed scrap of wall paper from Jon's childhood bedroom, it to was adorned in vintage firetrucks (although at the time they were not vintage...)Favorite of all is the hand hooked firetruck mat his great Grammie made him- it is perfect.
Mr Beebs also shares this room at the moment. Ben doesn't like him IN the bed with him but is happy to have him sleep in his own bed beside him...yes Mommy made him his own "binky" (he is one of the family now...). We know Ben is awake when he yells "WAKE UP MISTAH BEEBS!"
I am looking forward to the day both boys share this room, I fear though that it will come all too soon!
Gabriel's Baby room, Ben's old room is more gender neutral as it will be for which ever gender comes along next when he and Ben are nicely settled in their room and their is a nursery vacancy. I love the furniture, it is IKEA which I love as much as Jon hates (as I don't put it together...). The change table turns into a regular book shelf and the wardrobe is already full of mini sleepers and hats (January babies need hats...)You may notice my affinity for "Wall Words"- they are everywhere in my home, children's room's no exception. The newest one reads "All Because Too People Fell In Love". Awwww.
*** Newborn clothes, washed and in drawers...check!
Gabriel is going to be working his way through the hand me downs, clothes, toys equipment and furniture wise, true to second child-same gender protocol but I did sneak some new outfits into the closet for him...
One of my favorite things about preparing for a new baby (other then clothes shopping...but I suppose the bulging closet pictures are self explanatory on that note) is bedroom decorating. I looked at the bedroom "sets" available at toys R US when we were expecting Ben. They came in 10 000 piece sets with bumper pads, quilts, pillow cases, curtains, crib skirts change pad covers, diaper holders valences and coordinating mobiles. Whew. I couldn't decide on any of these sets, they seemed overwhelming and excessive. I liked the idea of a children's room that carried on the same decor tone as the rest of the home and was a room he could grow into. One vintage firetruck model was all it took for my inspiration to be born. I had so much fun finding co ordinating firefighter pieces to accent his space.
Gramma (bamma as she is better known as) made him a gingham quilt and curtains to complete his room. I thought his hand picked room added a little character. Each aspect was lovingly selected and represented the anticipation of his arrival. Now he has moved into his new room that was part of our renovation this summer and was to be a "big boy room". But he opted to keep his beloved crib. Now we have two matching cribs then that will eventually be two matching toddler beds when "the boys" share this room. Some of my favorite pieces were the matching sheets to the curtains I found at a yard sale, the firetruck sheets compliments of a Bamma Target trip, His "binky" which is the impossibly soft blanket Grammie made. I love his firetruck lamp with the nightlight...the bulletin board that he proudly hangs his art and pictures of favorite people on and his toybox pillows. I love the small framed scrap of wall paper from Jon's childhood bedroom, it to was adorned in vintage firetrucks (although at the time they were not vintage...)Favorite of all is the hand hooked firetruck mat his great Grammie made him- it is perfect.
Mr Beebs also shares this room at the moment. Ben doesn't like him IN the bed with him but is happy to have him sleep in his own bed beside him...yes Mommy made him his own "binky" (he is one of the family now...). We know Ben is awake when he yells "WAKE UP MISTAH BEEBS!"
I am looking forward to the day both boys share this room, I fear though that it will come all too soon!
Gabriel's Baby room, Ben's old room is more gender neutral as it will be for which ever gender comes along next when he and Ben are nicely settled in their room and their is a nursery vacancy. I love the furniture, it is IKEA which I love as much as Jon hates (as I don't put it together...). The change table turns into a regular book shelf and the wardrobe is already full of mini sleepers and hats (January babies need hats...)You may notice my affinity for "Wall Words"- they are everywhere in my home, children's room's no exception. The newest one reads "All Because Too People Fell In Love". Awwww.
*** Newborn clothes, washed and in drawers...check!
Gabriel is going to be working his way through the hand me downs, clothes, toys equipment and furniture wise, true to second child-same gender protocol but I did sneak some new outfits into the closet for him...
Awoke my Thirteen year old...
This morning Ben was kicking his legs as I put on a new diaper.
"Please don't kick Ben, that hurts Mommy".
"So! Put on a band aid."
so this is where we are headed huh?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
This is Ben's Brain
This is Ben; happy, imaginative, funny, charismatic and energetic.
This is Ben with the television on; passionless, disengaged and zoned out.
This is a close up of Ben's brain roting.
When I tell Ben that it's time to turn off the television (and the firetruck/train/digger movie he has watched 10 000 times) and play with his toys...
THIS is what he looks like...
The begging, pleading, sobbing and bargaining begins...
One hour a day...it's all he gets. I thought that was reasonable. I was wrong. Boy was I wrong. There will be an intervention happening in the near future (or after the baby is born...I can't decide yet...)Heaven help us.
This is Ben with the television on; passionless, disengaged and zoned out.
This is a close up of Ben's brain roting.
When I tell Ben that it's time to turn off the television (and the firetruck/train/digger movie he has watched 10 000 times) and play with his toys...
THIS is what he looks like...
The begging, pleading, sobbing and bargaining begins...
One hour a day...it's all he gets. I thought that was reasonable. I was wrong. Boy was I wrong. There will be an intervention happening in the near future (or after the baby is born...I can't decide yet...)Heaven help us.
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