Monday, December 24, 2007

One Year Later

Dear Ben,

It was a year ago today that we found out about you. What a year it has been from those first two lines on a stick that instantly changed our lives. I anticipated the hardest thing I could do would be to give birth to you. Now that you are here however I know that was nothing compared to the emotional strength I need to watch you grow up. I look at you watching me with big trusting eyes. You are still so innocent, I wish I did not know of the struggles that may be in store for you. I wish I could protect you from all these things. Since I cannot I will put my efforts into teaching you; compassion, Charity, resilience, determination and confidence. These are the tools you will need to navigate through this world successfully. It is my job as your mother to give them to you and sometimes I feel I am drowning in the amount of responsibility I have. I want so much to be a perfect mother to you. I fear I never will be, especially since you are my first little boy and I still have so much to learn. Know though, that although I may not be perfect my love for you always will be.

I am enjoying watching you share more of yourself. I can see your sense of humour now, your sweet nature, your curiosity and your hint of mischievousness( Your great grandmother Mary says these types of qualities need a little bending, not breaking!)I can't wait to see the little boy you grow into and the man you will become.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you. I hope you will seek out things that are uplifting, beautiful and bring you delight; sunsets, mud puddles, ice cream, puppies, fresh fallen snow and bear hugs. I hope you find people of good character that inspire, teach and make you laugh. Keep people like this close to you. I hope you will love freely even if sometimes it hurts. And one day I hope that you will meet a woman that will love you almost as much as your mother does and you too can experience the fear, amazement and joy that comes from 2 lines on a stick. I hope above all that you have the courage to be authentically you. That you find what is genuine about yourself and follow it, be true to you.

I am finding this parenting roller coaster exciting and terrifying. I am looking forward to seeing what this next year brings!

I love every second of being your mother and every inch of you!


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