Bribing the Baby

J and I have taken to bribing the baby. We hope he will be enticed enough by our description of trucks and cookies and bubble gum to come out. So far it has not worked...

The due date run down is ...
The ultrasounds said August 15
The Dr. said August 10
I say August 5
We don't know what B says...and really its up to him. This has been a huge lesson in giving up control...especially when the one in power is currently a fetus!

We have our hopes up for the full moon tonight, but I unfortunately feel just fine. J keeps telling B "don't fight the gravitational pull!"

I woke up at 7 am on Saturday and went yard sailing (of course...) and then came home and got ready to go to not one but two weddings (really one wedding and a drop in at a second) and then painted on Sunday and went to visit my parents. Isn't over-doing it like this suppose to induce labour?! Apparently not, now I'm just tired.

I'll give him until this weekend but then we are going to have to try some more serious induction methods... bring on the Castor oil!

The Big Move...

Whew! we are moved in, unpacked and ready for a baby! We cannot believe that we have been here less then a week and we are all finished. Thanks to Granddad Ben's room is all painted! Jon even put up a fresh coat of white going downstairs to the soon -to- be- daycare room so I can't call it the "crack basement" anymore. Now all that's left to do is put up a fence!! We are saving that adventure for another weekend though...

I am thrilled beyond belief (hence the overuse of exclamation marks) that the move went this smoothly and beyond grateful for the tremendous amount of help and support we have received! If it weren't for some very hard working mothers, families and friends I would be sitting in the middle of 200 boxes right now crying! So here is to family and friends who help you out even thought they think you are a good mix of crazy and stupid for moving when nine months pregnant. (They don't know that we also almost adopted a 10 week old pug a couple of days ago that someone was trying to get rid of... that would have put them over the edge I think!).

I will post pics soon, as a blog without pictures is not a blog worth reading... I know...

Tony Braxton Contractions

Well I finally had my first little taste of what labour may feel like. After an entire pregnancy of not having one little cramp I had a bad case of Braxton Hicks (or Tony Braxton's as my dad dubbed them) on Sunday. Ohhhh that was a shock. I was not expecting it to be quite that painful and I know that was nothing! In response to this sneak peek I have thrown my all natural birth plan out the window. I previously had images of an earth mother birth. I would tolerate any and all pain with meditation and breathing and cling to the strength of womanhood during this rite of passage...HA! I have decided now that the image of little B's birth will more accurately consist of any and all of the strongest narcotics available to me. Bring on the Demerol, gas, and anything else that will leave us both without any long term side effects. In fact I may ask to get my epidural today just as a precaution, I like to plan ahead!

Addicted to Other People's Junk!

I started off in May with the goal of finding quality and low priced toys to stock my daycare room with. I had early success and spent my whole budget on some lucky yard sales and thought I was finished. When the next weekend rolled around however I found myself wondering what else was out there that I was missing out on... it was 7 in the morning and I couldn't get back to sleep as I lay there thinking of all the great discarded items being laid upon lawns. I was hooked! For the last 2 months now I have been up at the crack of dawn drawing out my map of the best yard sales and the best routes to get there (2 was enough for J...now I'm on my own). I do the drive by first when you slow down and gawk (I have not hit even one parked car yet!) and wait for the rush that comes when you see something that you have been looking for (even if it just occurred to you at that moment that you were looking for it).

I am not good at bartering however and am hoping to develop this skill before the summer ends. If I go to a yard sale that has prices stores would compete with I generally drive on to the next one rather then make an offer. I have been to some where their worn out children's clothes are comparable to the prices they originally paid for them new (sometimes even more as I suppose one must charge for sentimental value). I won't pay $6.00 for a faded gap sleeper with unidentified yellow stains on the front but there is nothing comparable to the delight I find in a new Mexx baby shirt (complete with tags attached that say $36.00) for $o.50! (true story!).

Some weekends I come home with nothing, the thrill was in the hunt and the possibilities of what I may have found, and what is yet to be found next weekend!

In the last few weeks I have noticed the obvious cultural divide that comes with these sort of rummage sales. I do not think the phenomenon of the yard sale is something that has caught on in Asia and the middle east as these are the most ruthless and serious yard salers of all. They are very competitive and circle the neighbourhood like hawks in carloads well before the common 8 am start time.
When I arrive families of these origins are already piling their arms full of "treasures" (fortunately not usually of my taste so I don' t view them as competition). Their Bartering skills are certainly something to be observed however since I believe in their cultures bartering down prices is something that is routinely done. One will take 5 or 6 items totalling a few dollars and offer $0.35 for all of it! (I have also noticed that when bartering some tend to feign a lack of fluency in the English language and speak in halting sentences even though I overheard them speaking just fine a minute earlier!) The yard owner (generally a flustered Caucasian) will look at the items and go down a dollar to which the seasoned bargain hunter will go up 5 cents. This will go on until the yard saler ultimately will pay a few dollars for the lot but have several more items thrown in for free (I watch from the sidelines in a mix of awe and intimidation).

I have also learned that by 9:00am you might as well go home as anything worth being had has been sold. This works out well for me because when I come home to the still sleeping and oblivious J he thinks I have let him sleep in (not typical of the drill Sergent he has come to know lately) and is none the wiser to my gallivanting all over the city at dawn to use up $45.00 of gas to find $3.00 worth of children's books and a pair of Old navy overalls.

A Retraction and a Request...

The retraction...

You may remember a few blogs ago when I said I was not quite ready to finish this pregnancy... well in the midst of our 43 degree humidex yesterday it hit me. I am done! I am more then done... not to rant but... I am swollen and tired, I can't breath, sit, lay down, climb stairs, eat, sleep or think straight- I am done now! (Ben are you listening??) It has been a lovely experience and... one that I would like to end now.

The request...

When someone who is nine months pregnant complains to you about ANYTHING- whether it be the heat, her size or her lack of ankles please do not respond with:

1- "well, it will all be worth it".
It is amazing how many times I have heard this, and how each time gets more irritating (this would be filed under Major Annoyances). When you respond to a simple complaint with this response it insinuates that the whinny pregnant woman (WPW) is saying her unborn child was not worth her water retention or her heartburn. This certainly is not true, most WPW feel he was worth this and more, and would do this for him 100 times over, but would still be cranky!

2-" I understand". Unless you have been pregnant with this child on this day you do not understand.

3- "well my aunt (sister, mother, friend, co worker) also had leg cramps (constipation, back aches, hormone headaches, reflux) and she used *insert tried and true remedy here*. "
WPW do not want your advice so much as (lets be honest here...) your sympathy. we just want someone to acknowledge our discomfort and sacrifice not try to fix it.

4- "That's normal". Well this might seem like a very reassuring comment the WPW is not questioning whether or not her symptoms are normal (you can assume that said whinny pregnant woman has googled this symptom before hand). By saying this you are minimizing this symptom because while its "normal" it is still very unpleasant.

Appropriate responses would be... "it's almost over", "your doing such a great job", "you've been so strong", "your baby is lucky to have a mother like you" and when you aren't sure what to say "your beautiful" always seems to work for J.

Finding the Joy in the Journey

Last June, J had just started a new company I was working and just about to graduate and we were in the final stages of wedding planning and preparing to move into our new house (we like to pack major life events together like that it seems). I would have thought that nothing could be as overwhelming as last summer...well I have been proven wrong. This year I am starting a new business, we are having a baby and we are moving to a new house next week. Any one of these things would prove to be daunting but not for us as we like to keep our life on fast forward... JUST having a baby wouldn't be sufficient, we have to throw all these other fun things on top of it.

Fortunately in our practice run last year I learned a few things. Primarily that I wished myself through a lot of really great moments. Instead of enjoying graduating university I hurried through it to get to the wedding, which I hurried through to get to our new house, which I hurried through to get to our honeymoon...and then it was all over. I had been so busy focusing on what was to come that I forgot to enjoy what was here.
I am not making that mistake this time. I am trying to prioritize my excitement... I am going to enjoy these last days of pregnancy WHILE I eagerly anticipate the new house and try not to worry too much about not having everything organized for my September daycare start. The excitement surrounding B will take precedence of course and if his room is still pink when he comes home so be it... if the house is full of boxes and the daycare room is not close to being ready, so be it. I am not worrying or hurrying...just enjoying the ride!

Waiting for Ben...

Pregnancy is interesting... I had about 30 books on the topic within the first week of finding out and not one has truly prepared me for the experience.

It seems there are about 500 symptoms (all unpleasant) that may occur in one's body over the next 9 (10) months. To name a few of my favorites... nausea, headaches, exhaustion, acne, cravings, constipation, dizziness, hemorrhoids, nose bleeds, gas, heartburn, leg cramps, insomnia, shortness of breath, back pain, fluid retention, varicose veins and my personal favorite- stretch marks....

Sounds like a whole lot of fun doesn't it! Actually surprisingly enough it has been. I have been lucky and only experienced many of these symptoms briefly at various stages and none of them very severe.

Some of the things that I have been most surprised at...

"Fatigue"- Yes I know what this word means, so I expected to be tired... anyone who has been there however knows that this is not accurate. A new word needs to be created for the exact degree of tired this is. It surpasses exhaustion and is like nothing I had ever experienced before. I would lay down for the entire day with my eyes half open, not moving and barely breathing for the sheer effort of simply existing was too much at that point. In a couple weeks of course I was back on my feet with more energy then I'd ever had, but I was certainly not prepared for those first few weeks.

"Gas"- I am not- for a lack of a better term- a "gassy" person. This is not anything I have ever had to deal with before and so when I was suddenly awakened in the dead of night by this loud and obvious release of gas, it was surely something only a large man could produce. I glared at J... "that's gross!" " He lay silent in the dark for a moment... uh- that... wasn't me..."

"pregnancy brain" - I'm not sure this is the official medical term but it is defined as the time the baby begins stealing the mothers brain cells in the later months of pregnancy. I was at one time a very organized, punctual and successful multitasker. I can now barely get myself breakfast in the morning (since I put the milk in the cupboard the night before and can't find it now...only to write "milk" on a grocery list that I will later forget to take to the store). I tried to drive away in a vehicle that was not mine (I drive a silver Dodge...this was a beige Honda so I'm not sure what I was thinking at all- probably about where the milk went...). I have taken to wandering around during the day, wondering what I had just gone up the stairs for since it was long forgotten by the third step. I stop talking mid conversation because my train of thought is constantly derailing. This is proving to be one of the more annoying surprise symptoms!

"cravings"- I have not for the most part craved specific things during this pregnancy as much as I have just craved anything and everything edible all day long... to the tune of almost 60 Ibs...at least ten of these pounds though do not count since they were the "I'm dying anyway I might as well eat guilt free- Christmas pounds... (re the longest nine...ten months).

I have been eating mostly fruit and ice cream... those have been the tried and true standards from the beginning with some other phases in between. The only really strange craving worth mentioning was the cheesies. This was so intense I felt what a drug addict must at the though of getting my hands on these. I could not think of anything else! As soon as I left work I drove right to the grocery store. It was not the Cheetos brand that was appealing but the No Name 79 cent bag of processed cheese covered Styrofoam! I got them to the car and tore open the bag but they weren't quite right. Disappointed, I discarded them on the counter when I got home only to try them again a few hours later. Perfect! It wasn't just styrofoam cheese that I wanted it was STALE Styrofoam cheese... I read later that there is a condition where woman can begin to have intense cravings for non food items like paint or chalk- this may have fallen very close to that!

"Oompa Loompa syndrome"- This is when you lose all your abdominal muscles and can't sit, roll or stand up on your own. I have mastered the roll and throw which is how I get off the couch these days. It is self explanatory I roll a little until I build enough momentum to hurl myself onto the floor...or I yell for J.

" Expert magnatism"- Around the time I became visibly pregnant everyone around me became a childbirth/baby expert...People at the grocery store tell me what brand of diapers are best, the benefits of breast feeding (or formula feeding depending...) and of course this is a lead in to the story of their own very exciting and fear envoking childbirth story. They always begin their conversation with me, funny enough by saying "now everyone will have lots of advice for you, you just pay no attention" and then proceed to do just that...

So where was the "fun" part I was talking about?

- When people gaze at my huge obviously pregnant mid section and ask "how long" you can stare at them stone faced and say "for what?!" and watch them stutter and turn red.

- People let you go in front of them in line (but then proceed to tell you about thier horrific 18 hour labour that ended in an emergency C-section).

- You can wear bright bold prints and colours that people normally of your girth could not get away with.

- People like to feed you!

-Everyone smiles knowingly at you as though thanking you for continuing our human race for the next generation.

And of course...

The first time we saw B's tiny heartbeat was more "fun" then anything I could ever imagine- to feel him kick and know that I am everything he needs right now.

It has been wonderful to watch J transform into a father. I love to see his reaction when he pokes my stomach and his son pokes back. It has changed him as much as it has me- we see the world differently now. It is amazing to experience the connection that can come of being literally connected to this tiny person. I never get tired of thinking about him and imagining the kind of boy and man he will become one day. This has been the most amazing experience of my life and as much as I can't wait to see him and touch him I don't want this time to end either- bring on the kankles, leg cramps and the heartburn! I'm not done yet.